By Dr Desiree C. T. Cox

Somebody told me, that for what I been through -- and still going through with this hurricane -- I should write a book. Ordinarily, I don't pay not mind to what people say. But now, since the hurricane, I could see is that what get me in this mess I in right now.

I Francis Edith Deloris Campbell don't listen to nobody. Not even my own mind. If I would have followed what my mind was telling me, I wouldn't have been there in West End when the hurricane hit. And, if I wouldn't have been in West End then maybe, just maybe, I don't know. That's the thing about it. I just don't know. No matter how I turn this thing round in my head, no matter how I slice or twist or turn it, it's a disaster. If I had booked my plane to come back to Nassau on Wednesday (to be back to work on Thursday which was when my vacation was officially supposed to be back off vacation) I wouldn't been stuck in West End. But then again, maybe, if I hadn't stayed in Grand Bahama something bad might of happened to mummy. I don't know. I just don't know.

This situation have me so messed up, so discombobulated, I can even think straight.

Funny. When I was stuck in there in West End, in the hurricane in the house with mummy and Warren, and Danny and Deloris, I started to put some things down on paper, to keep a record-book, and it helped me to keep calm, to keep my head straight. But for all the things that happened to us in that hurricane Frances -- my name-sake hurricane—nothing was as bad as what happened afterwards. And the worse thing, the thing that happened afterwards is the one thing I can't bring myself to put down on paper.

I still can't believe it even now, after the funeral.

I never thought I'd bury my own son.

Now I remember who it was what said for what happen to me I should write a book. It was Sandra from the Central Supplies. I'm going to miss Sandra. I ain't going to miss Central Supplies unit though. And I'm not going to miss Princess Margaret Hospital either. But maybe I should be careful, not get ahead of myself. For all I know I might be back their begging for a job tomorrow for all I know. If it's one thing I've learned, is that I don't know what the future holds.

No, I don't want to write no book. But I want to get my life straight before something else bad happens to me.

Maybe, I'm about to do the second stupidest thing I've ever done in my life, the first being getting pregnant when I was seventeen. Maybe the second stupidest thing is the thing I'm about to do right here and now, which is go back to Grand Bahama, with my only living son in one hand, and two suitcases worth of my belongings. Because, it's not like I have a decent house to go back to. People probably think I'm crazy for going to a place with no light, no running water and no phone, especially after that name-sake hurricane tear my mamma's place right up. Everything break-up. Everybody could see straight through the house. When mummy and Warren them leave the living room furniture drying out in the road when they come up to Nassau for the funeral, but West End is home in a way Nassau has never been. Two years I lived in here in Nassau, and I guess technically speaking, I'm still living in Nassau, technically.

No, this time I am going to listen to somebody. I'm going to listen to myself. West End is where I want to be right now. That's where I grow up and that's where I feel I need to be, at least for now. At least until I figure out what to do next.

Sandra was right, and my great grand papa Hercules was right too. It's a good thing to write things down. I'm not going to write no book, but I'll keep a diary, a 'record book'. Though, as I'm sitting here looking at what I wrote down back then during my name-sake hurricane just two weeks ago, I can't believe it. I don't even recognise that person. In a way it's funny. Some of it's funny. Well, I mean it would be, if it wasn't so embarrassing.

But I'm not going to hide from who I was, or who I am. I'm not going to pretend what I ain't. I'm going to go right back to when I started keeping my 'record-book' during the hurricane. See if I could find a way forward, some way, my way, the way for me.

This series of 'People Transform' features the Hurricane Diary based on the true stories and exciting adventures of a Bahamian woman finding the courage to follow her inner voice, be authentic and transform her life after a devastating hurricane.

© Dr Desirée C. T. Cox

Described by a career profile in the British Medical Journal as a 'Renaissance Woman', Desirée C. T. Cox is a physician, Reiki healer, musician, historian, and writer. She is the Rhodes Scholar from the Bahamas and has been educated at McGill University (Montreal, Canada), the University of Oxford (England) and the University of Cambridge. She now lives and works in Nassau, Bahamas. The author welcomes comments about the stories. For comments Email: dctcox@hotmail.com