Back in October I wrote "How to Become an MP." I described the developing contest between my current MP, The Heroic Dispenser of Hams, and his younger, slimmer, handsomer adversary, nicknamed Santie Claus. I explained that my MP was in big trouble this time around because Santie Claus was busy building his reputation as, well, a giver of gifts.

Well, since last we tuned in the chap's been busy. At Christmas he appeared with a DJ and foot soldiers giving out, what else, Christmas presents. He stood there like a game show host, smiling with a mic in his hand. He introduced himself while his elves gave out presents galore. Unfortunately, I was in my car at the time or I'd report on exactly what kind of gifts.

In any event, Elections looked like they would be fun back in October. The rallies are like having the Red Cross Fair every week. And then there're the songs these politicians get recorded to promote themselves. Some of them are lame but then again, a few aren't half bad. Remember "I Fa Tanya?"

But, after sitting here and really thinking about it, I have to say that conch fritters and fireworks aside, Election 2007 will probably go down as the lousiest Election of the post-Independence era.

I mean, where's that sense of anticipation? That sense that a major collective decision approaches? Where's that sense of a nation divided down the middle, clearly of two minds about which way the country should go: toward progress or destruction? Where's the righteous indignation; that desire to teach the arrogant a lesson and reward the underdog who's been out in the cold for far too long?

Come on, you know that's the whole point of the propaganda game in these islands: to polarize people, freak them out, make them irrational, scared, rabid, angry, anything it takes to get them to VOTE FOR YOU as if their lives depended on it. Elections have always been black and white here.

Vote UBP or the PLP will run the country into the ground!

Vote PLP or the FNM will turn back the clock!

Vote FNM or Ping and his cronies will run amok again!

Vote PLP cause Hubert out of control!

Vote . . . cause . . .

What can you say? We've seen Hubert before and we've seen Perry. Most people are fed up with politicians generally; so what now? Do we go with the Lone Ranger or with the Great Gesticulator? The menu sure is delish!

And is there really that much difference between the two parties? They both have the same philosophy really: Maintain a slew of silent and grateful backbenchers; appoint a drayload of Ministers; tolerate no public dissension from the rank and file in the Party over policy moves; offer foreign investors the kitchen sink to build a resort somewhere so they can hire more waiters, maids, bellmen and lifeguards; talk talk talk about education but do nothing to really rock the boat; talk talk talk about crime and justice but protect the shady members of your circle; appease the unions around Election Time; give wage increases to civil servants before Election; hog up the evening news with your pronouncements, etc.

So really, why vote? We should all just burn our voter's cards in Rawson Square!!! . . . Oops, sorry, the dramatist in me is coming out. For a minute there I almost forgot I have a mortgage and mouths to feed. Kindly disregard that outburst—verbal indigestion, nothing more.

But seriously my fellow BaHAMians, why bother voting if both sides are the same? Christie ain't likely to purge his numerous unsavouries and Ingraham, despite generously sparing us another Election with Tommy T as Leader (I think Tommy still has the knife in his back as I write this), Ingraham still has some of those scalawags from his last administration lurking about hoping for a Cabinet post.

I know what you're going to say. I've heard it time and again and it makes me wish I was Homey the Clown from "In Living Color" and could sock you in the head when you say, "If you don't vote you cyaa say nuttin afterward."

Says who? Don't I pay taxes like da res' a yall? In fact, maybe our problem is we think voting is all the say we need to have. With so little difference between the parties and so much cynicism toward politicians you'd think we'd be on them like white on rice. But instead, I think our prosperity has bred complacency; and we've been trained to leave it to others to solve our problems. Problem is, men stopped entering politics to solve problems a long time ago in BaHAMaland. Ultimately then, we get the government we deserve.

WE are as much to blame for the shabby quality of representation as the opportunists who dominate the political arena. We the people are as opportunistic as the candidates during Elections anyway. And let's be honest with ourselves: we don't WANT to be bothered with making the hard decisions leaders have to make; we just want to be left alone to eat our peas and rice, watch CSI, buy a car with rims, and go to Miami.

Still, it ain' too late turn dis 'round: 1) We need more ordinary Bahamians with a track record of unselfish service to their communities to run as independent candidates for the House of Assembly. The last election proved that independents CAN win. At this stage refusing to run because "politics is a dirty game" is simply selfishness, cowardice or self-defeating, take your pick. 2) We need ordinary concerned citizens to form non-partisan advocacy groups that can agitate for change based on the issues.

The Heroes Committee and the Clifton Coalition should have taught us that such pressure groups work. Even the creation of a Coalition for Health Care Reform is--although made up of elites, many of whom are in the health care business--another sign of the deepening of our democracy, of the determination to have a say DESPITE the politicians.

These groups prove that voting IS NOT the only way to have a say. Fathers for Children Everywhere and ReEarth are also to be applauded. But we need more and more advocacy. Power is ours not Perry's or Hubert's.

We need the Parents' Alliance for Better Public Schools. We need the Citizens Association for Improved Public Transportation. We need the Foundation for Quality Bahamian Broadcasting. We need the Association for Christians Who Actually Try to Love Their Enemies. (He-he).

And last but not least, we need the Coalition for Term Limits and MP Recall. I'll start that last one myself. Wanna join? Come on, what else you gat to do?

Write me at HYPERLINK "mailto:ianstrakan@gmail.com" t "_blank" ianstrakan@gmail.com.