Tuesday, March 9, 2010

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Quantity or quality, what's important? By Barrington Brennen: Why do we honor people for having given long service to a company? Why do we honor couples who have been married for a long time? It is my humble opinion that longevity or quantity is not always quality, especially when it comes to human relationships. Often many of the people we honor for long service at a company would have only given mediocre service. The golden trophy or beautiful plaque would tell falsely of their service. And how they boast as their ego is inflated. COUPLES Many couples we have praised for having been married for 40, 50, or 60 years haven't truly been in love with each other for a long time. They have agreed to be civil and respectful in public but behind closed doors they are tyrants or maybe, just do not connect. I knew of a couple who was honored for having been married for 50 years and little did we know that the good-looking husband and wife hadn't had sex or kissed in 30 years. They did not even sleep in the same bed. I often promised myself that before I honor any couples for having a long marriage I would have to investigate the relationship to see if the couple truly is worth honoring. I suppose you are asking how I would do such an investigation. It can be by conducting a surprise visit at the home, or conducting an interview with them together and apart. It can also be done through marriage questionnaires or surveys. WORKERS I am utterly disturbed when workers with poor work ethics and mediocre performance are honored simply because they have served long in a position. What often happens is when the mediocre worker is rewarded, he or she often sees no need to improve. It is not a good habit for companies to overlook poor performance when honoring people. Sticking to a job for a long time is great, but we need to go beyond quantity and focus more on quality. Sometimes a worker might have only been long on the job because no one ever accumulated enough facts to release him or her. They were not bold enough to do so. Some workers have been on a "go-slow" all their working life knowing that "they cannot be fired." What a poor attitude. These same people are honored in a gala banquet. Let us focus on quality of service. LONG MARRIAGES ARE NOT ALWAYS GOOD There are many couples who have long marriages but are not happily married. They are only tolerating each other. When a couple can experience both longevity and happiness, we have a dynamic couple with a vital marriage. We do know also that when both husband and wife are traditional (rigid set of rules regarding faith, parenting and roles) there is a greater chance that they will be unhappy but no one will know this because they are not to talk about it. We also know that these unhappy, traditional couples are the ones who most likely will not get divorce. And we honor them in a gala banquet for their miserable marriages. Let's stop this. Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist. Send your questions or comments to question@soencouragement.org or call 1-305-767-4976 or 1-242 323 8722, or snail mail: P.O. Box N-896, Nassau, The Bahamas. Monday February 08, 2010